I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
