he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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