and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize