In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
