your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
