it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
