I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
