I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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