I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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