If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
