I'm so fucking centered right now
I love black thongs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
