Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
