meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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