did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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