THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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