next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
