i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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