why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
