I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
love makes seman taste better
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
