yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
