I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
