someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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