Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
