You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
