i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
