were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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