Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
