Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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