omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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