Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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