Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
