I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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