You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
