i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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