What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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