So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
