Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize