in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
