fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
