we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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