I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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