I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
