I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
