proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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