i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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