he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
