Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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