I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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