I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
