I'm going to rape someone's good day.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Terrible idea I love it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
