Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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