I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We smell like vodka and hangover
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