just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
