I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
