guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
