Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
