I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
