Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
