Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
