So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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