she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
