note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
