I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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