Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar

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