Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is classic penis vs brain.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.