Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.