did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy