i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...