I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues