i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.