capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.